Updated: Feb 4, 2019
My British husband says many crass things and gets away with it, usually even evoking a smile when he’s handed out a put-down- but that accent is so dreamy. And it appears, my American-accented son, can deal some good ol’ fashioned British comedy, too. And believe it or not, the lads and birds eat it up.
For instance, when Axl shames our friends for drinking Coors Light, they find it hysterical: “Hey Mate, why you drinkin’ that piss?”
When he uses vulgar language at the tender age of four, no one bats an eye: Upon seeing we hadn’t put up the trampoline while he was with a friend, “Where’s the trampoline? It’s not up... It’s not up... For fuck’s sake.”
When an American tries to call American football, 'football': "You know that's not REAL football, right, mate?"
His teachers find it not only condonable, but outright spectacular that he uses a Union Jack flask as a water bottle at school.
His on-point name-calling using British slang is spot-on: “What a plonker”, “Don’t be a wally”, “What up, geez?”, “You’re all a bunch of wankers”, “She’s a feisty mare”, “They’re silly tarts.”
And I must mention his use of cockney slang, if you’re not familiar with these, I advise you to look them up (https://londontopia.net/londonism/fun-london/language-top-100-cockney-rhyming-slang-words-and-phrases/); and if you are familiar with them, you’ll understand the true worldliness of this four-year-old and his gift for the vernacular:
“Get out of my room or you’ll be in Barney Rubble.”
“I like your boat race, doll.”
“Is that butterfly brown bread?”
“Get the dog and bone.”
“I need to do a gypsy pony combo.”
“There’s something in my mince pies.”
“I can’t go to school, I’m Tom Dick.”
“I need to take a Tom tit.”
I am aware that it’s not technically okay for him to mimic his father in this way, just like it’s not technically okay to talk on the phone while you’re taking a poop- but man, sometimes it just happens.
Did I mention that he says these things in a very horrific British accent? I’ll let you know if he goes on tour.